Penpusher
Posted: 2019-05-26T01:10:22+10:00 In:

Looking for advice/approval on the following logline I created. Thank you!! “After being turned into a beast in a neo-gothic world, a fearless woman disguised as a woman seeks revenge against the cult who sacrificed her during the next hunt.” What do you think? criticism and help would be greatly appreciated.  

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      I would watch your tenses:

      “…against the cult who sacrificed her (Past tense, this already happened) during the ‘next’ hunt.” (Future tense, it hasn’t happened yet)

      This is very confusing for the reader.

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    2. Singularity

      As Richiev said, the logline is confusing.? ?It’s unclear to me what the story is about. The woman is turned into a beast — but is now disguised as a woman?? ?Say what?

      And if she was sacrificed ,how can she be alive to get revenge?? Again, say? what?

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    3. Logliner

      I agree with the other comments – the mix of tenses make it confusing to read. Also, could you give the woman an adjective to describe her? I wasn’t sure if the Neo-gothic world is a version of Earth, or a different planet (in which case I’d probably just say that. Also, does she have to take revenge on the cult before they do the same to someone else?

       

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