Samurai
Posted: 2017-04-15T09:56:40+10:00 In:

LOSING WAIT – After a weak willed fat woman’s fiance tells her she’s gotten too big and he heads for the hills, she enlists a personal trainer who’s actually an angel sent by God with one shot to help someone or he’s banished to hell.

LOSING WAIT – After a weak willed fat woman’s fiance tells her she’s gotten too big and he heads for the hills, she enlists a personal trainer who’s actually an angel sent by God with one shot to help someone or he’s banished to hell.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      Look at your other loglines we have reviewed. Look at the suggestions. You spend way to much on the setup and jump over the story. Your setup could be done over the opening credits. Then what is the movie? We can still leave in some of her emotional state.

      A lonely obese woman enlists a personal trainer who is an angel needing to help someone to save himself from hell.

      Not great, but straight to the point. Think of the reader. They will never be reading your logline in isolation. They be reading hundreds, either in a comp or looking for a script. A wordy logline is just annoying, it also hides the story. Pile all your muscle into the main story. Stand out for content not fluff.

      PS a setup is fluff.

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      The perspective is a bit off, hard to tell who the lead character is from the logline.

      A?good title for this: “For shame”

      • 0