Penpusher
Posted: 2015-08-07T03:38:14+10:00 In:

Miami Air ramp-service personal engage in the systematic looting of airport luggage and merchandize, which leads to the death of eight ?Ramp Rats? and the arrest of sixty-three other luggage handlers and airport personnel.

RAMP RATS

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    4 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      I don’t think we need the “Miami Air” or “Ramp-Rats” in the logline. Also, as mentioned by other commenters, there doesn’t seem to be a protagonist that is actively involved in the story.

      Maybe something like “When valuables start disappearing from luggage, a slacker airport security chief must plunge into the dangerous underground world of luggage handlers and solve the case before the body count starts to rise.” Well, that’s not great either, but you get the gist…

      • 0
    2. Uberwriter

      How do they die? I think that is the story but it is glossed over. We have the start and how it ends, but the middle hour is missing.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      This reads more like a news headline than a plot.

      Who is the MC? What is his or her inciting incident? What does he or she want?

      Hope this helps.

      • 0

    4. You need to make this someone’s story. The entire personnel can’t be your protagonist. And how does the looting lead to the deaths? Perhaps you could have one luggage handler wrongly accused who has to clear his or her name to avoid conviction. Also, I find your using of ‘ramp-service personal’, ‘Ramp Rats’ and ‘luggage handlers’ to mean the same group of people a bit confusing.

      • 0