Fairytell from Hell
JanCabalLogliner
Naive teenage girl was preparing for her wedding in medieval village until it was spoiled by an evil witch's curse. To prevent villagers from eating each other (literally) she must confront the witch and learn the truth about the village past.
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Great concept.
I’m not sure you need the part about the wedding in the logline, I would concentrate on the second sentence, it seems to have almost everything you need for your logline.
Here’s your second sentence: “To prevent villagers from eating each other (literally) she must confront the witch and learn the truth about the village past.”
You could then change it a little bit:
“When the villagers of her sleepy hamlet are turned into cannibals by an evil Witch, a naive girl must confront her town’s dark past in order to lift the curse and save both her family and betrothed.”
That example is still clunky– (by clunky I mean the part in my example where I say “Confront her towns dark past,” but is seems from your logline the villagers may have wronged the Witch in the past and the curse is her revenge)– but hopefully you see where I am going with it.
Sounds like a great idea. With a little bit of re-arranging your logline will be much improved.
Good luck!
Great concept.
I’m not sure you need the part about preparing for the wedding in the logline, I would concentrate on the second sentence, it seems to have almost everything you need for your logline.
Here’s your second sentence: “To prevent villagers from eating each other (literally) she must confront the witch and learn the truth about the village past.”
You could then change it a little bit:
“When the villagers of her sleepy hamlet are turned into cannibals by an evil Witch, a naive girl must confront her town’s dark past in order to lift the curse and save both her family and betrothed.”
That example is still clunky– (by clunky I mean the part in my example where I say “Confront her towns dark past,” but is seems from your logline the villagers may have wronged the Witch in the past and the curse is her revenge)– but hopefully you see where I am going with it.
Sounds like a great idea. With a little bit of re-arranging your logline will be much improved.
Good luck!
Richiev is right; the first sentence is extraneous. Start with “when”, “as”, “before”, or “after”.
“As a naive teen prepares her wedding, she learns more about village tradition, and must now confront a witch to prevent the locals from feeding on each other – literally!”
You also want to target 30 words or less (25 if possible) for a real effective logline.
Great title, too, unless “fairytell” should really be fairytale, but even then…
Good concept.
Thanx guys, with your feedback im getting closer -;) and yes its auppose to be fairytale -;)