On an isolated, faraway island, a blind young man lives in between a peaceful religious native community. But when an ambiguous and seditious village member instills in the boy some doubts concerning their religion, harmony is broken and so it begins a spiral of violence that will bring the community to its destruction.
Alan SmitheePenpusher
On an isolated, faraway island, a blind young man lives in between a peaceful religious native community. But when an ambiguous and seditious village member instills in the boy some doubts concerning their religion, harmony is broken and so it begins a spiral of violence that will bring the community to its destruction.
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You say the blind young man lives between a peaceful religious native community… but don’t give us the ‘and’ There must be two things if he is between them, the religious community and something else.
>>>lives in between a peaceful religious native community
rather:? lives among?
>>>will bring the community to its destruction.
A spoiler,? And a logline should never contain a spoiler, a giveaway how the story ends.
>>>so it begins a spiral of violence
Action should not be assigned anonymously or vaguely.? Reword to indicate exactly WHO starts the violence.
The logline lacks an objective goal for the protagonist.? As written the blind young man is reacting to the malevolent village member — and in a negative, destructive manner.? But a protagonist should be proactive, not reactive.? He should be proactively pursuing a positive goal (in his own mind, anyway) even if his methods are violent and destructive.
fwiw.
Agreed with Richieve and DPG.
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