Logliner
Posted: 2017-01-26T04:21:09+10:00 In:

ON THE BRINK OF DEFEAT, THE ARMY TURNS TO AN HONOR BOUND PILOT TO RISK COURT-MARTIAL AND THE LIVES OF HIS CREW.

ON THE BRINK OF DEFEAT, THE ARMY TURNS TO AN HONOR BOUND PILOT TO RISK COURT-MARTIAL AND THE LIVES OF HIS CREW.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      I have a feeling you know your story well, but it’s not coming across in the above logline. ?Maybe try reworking it in this format: ?When (inciting incident) happens, (Protagonist) must (goal) before (stakes if he fails.)

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    2. Singularity

      As Nir said, this is confusing. If the army is the ones asking the honor bound pilot to complete a mission, why would they then turn around and court marshal him?

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    3. Singularity

      To do what?

      Without a specific goal, the plot is unclear.

      In addition best to specify a single event that brought about them being on the brink of defeat – an inciting incident.

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