MIDNIGHT AT NOON
On the run after robbing a bank during the great depression, two brothers find themselves trapped in the harsh region known as the Dust Bowl where a ruthless killer hunts them down.
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Why is the killer hunting them down? For the money or did they do something that warrant this? They are two and he/she is one, in a vast region. Surely, they can kill him. Can he be their estranged father? Or a beautiful female alien who can only survive if she consumes a certain kind of metal only found on our planet? (like money) Just wondering. If I sat down in a movie like this what would I like to see? An unexpected turn would make it less predictable.
The ruthless killer makes for a great antagonist but his linkage with the bank robbing brothers is left tenuous. How does the killer know about the brothers and what is his movtive for hunting them? Simple desire for the loot does come to mind, though this is a mediocre motive. Better would be a motive along the lines of him recovering the money for someone else. Whether it be on behalf of the bank, or on behalf of some wealthy landowner. (This makes the killer look like a professional, which makes him appear even more chiling.)
It would also help that we are told something redeeming about the two brothers. For example, that their home was repossessed, or that they were thoroughly swindled. (Swindled by the landowner would be particularly good here.) Being hunted by a ruthless killer provides some audience empathy potential, but being compelled to rob a bank out of dire necessity provides so much more.
As it stands, the logline is acceptable at a basic level. But it would sell the script more effectively if the two aspects already mentioned were addressed.
Steven Fernandez (Judge).
As I said, the Dust Bowl was a vast area of the US, so named by a journalist, because not only did the people have to deal with the Depression, but there was a huge, prolonged draught, during which high winds whipped up huge sand storms because the soil was degraded due to human activity. Before this, the area was named the Bread Basket of America. So there was no interesting scenery, except what you see in parts of the Australian Ourback during big draughts. Be that as it may, I still don’t see a story line, although Bec’s suggestion takes it a bit in that direction. Who were these brothers and what was the inciting incident that turned them towards bank robbery? Were they bank robbers by trade, or did something happened that made them desperate to do it? I mean we are talking about the Depression when Banks closed and went under, etc. Keep thinking. Do your research too. Have fun.
Hi Cameron: I believe that one of the brothers is the protagonist and you may want to define this, and him, so you can write from his POV. I love the idea of being in the Dust Bowl it is an area I have never heard of and will be interesting on screen and remember to treat it as an antagonist. The ‘ruthless killer’ doesn’t seem to fit as he is not in the set up and you may be better using a term such as a ruthless bounty hunter/sheriff. Good luck!
What elizabethban said.
How do you get trapped in a vast wide open land, free of obstacles of any kind from horizon to horizon? And what about the cops? Aren’t they in pursuit?
Who is the protagonist or antagonist in this story and why is it important where it takes place. The Dust Bowl was a huge area in the US. (The drought and erosion of the Dust Bowl affected 100,000,000 acres (400,000 km2), centered on the panhandles of Texas and Oklahoma, and adjacent sections of New Mexico, Colorado, and Kansas.) It looks to me like this is a bank robbery gone wrong story, but I don’t see a story arc. Sorry. Keep at it.