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mrmitchboyer
Posted: January 10, 20132013-01-10T06:26:35+10:00 2013-01-10T06:26:35+10:00In: Public

On the verge of being alone for the rest of his life, a lazy man falls in love with a miniature woman who lives in the small model city that he finds in the spare bedroom of his new apartment, but when he can't figure out a way to shrink himself to her size he must push himself to his limits to find a way in, before he loses the girl of his dreams.

Miniature

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    4 Reviews

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2013-01-10T10:05:52+10:00Added an answer on January 10, 2013 at 10:05 am

      First, love the premise

      Second, all the elements are there (Assuming that his laziness is what is standing in his way)

      Third, this is way too long

      I would probably start with,

      “When a lonely man falls in love with a miniature woman who he discovers living in a model city in his spare room, He must push past his own procrastination if he is to discover a way for them to be together”

      However even that is rough because there should really be something more standing in their way or a deadline of some sort.

      I hope this gives you ideas, for the most part you just have to find a way to condense the logline without taking out what makes the story unique.

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    2. throwitfar
      2013-01-10T11:44:59+10:00Added an answer on January 10, 2013 at 11:44 am

      I agree about the start by Richiev: “” That just POPS.

      I had a lot written, but here’s the key thoughts from me, try this:

      “A lonely man falls in love with a miniature woman he discovers living in a model city in his spare room- unable to shrink himself and running out of time- he finds himself searching desperately for a way into the city, and her heart.

      This would be a fun read! Hope I helped, even a little!

      Best of luck!

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    3. Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
      2013-01-11T12:18:21+10:00Added an answer on January 11, 2013 at 12:18 pm

      Amazing concept. Would definitely watch.

      I also agree with Richiev on his points, so don’t need to repeat.

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    4. mrmitchboyer
      2013-01-12T01:37:32+10:00Added an answer on January 12, 2013 at 1:37 am

      Thanks everyone for the comments! Glad you find it interesting! I agree, Richiev, I need to find a deadline. throwitfar – I like the logline you suggested, it helped a lot. I’ve got some more work to do to tighten it up, and your suggestions help a lot.

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