Mother’s Bounty
Only sixteen, Harriet Duncan is determined to bring her mother to justice for her father’s murder. When she happens upon an outlaw with amnesia she struggles to convince him that he?s an heroic bounty hunter who has offered his help.
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Good point raised by DPG.
Look at True Grit as a good example.
Good point raised by DPG.
Look at True Grit as a good example.
Having an ally who can be duped into helping her because he’s an amnesiac doesn’t work for me. She’s enlisted the help of a someone obviously not playing with a full deck of cards. Where did she find this guy? Why does she think he could be of any use to her? It seems like a gimmick for the sake of a differentiating gimmick.
And if I did buy the character, wouldn’t it be the case that what he needs to be duped into believing is that he is an “heroic detective” not an “heroic bounty hunter” — big difference in job descriptions.
I think it would be better that they are both characters playing with a full deck of cards, an Odd Couple who bond over a common need, mutual stakes.
Having an ally who can be duped into helping her because he’s an amnesiac doesn’t work for me. She’s enlisted the help of a someone obviously not playing with a full deck of cards. Where did she find this guy? Why does she think he could be of any use to her? It seems like a gimmick for the sake of a differentiating gimmick.
And if I did buy the character, wouldn’t it be the case that what he needs to be duped into believing is that he is an “heroic detective” not an “heroic bounty hunter” — big difference in job descriptions.
I think it would be better that they are both characters playing with a full deck of cards, an Odd Couple who bond over a common need, mutual stakes.
No need to state the MC name unless it is vital to the story.
Why does the girl decide to bring her mother to justice now? My point is better to specify the inciting incident rather than hint at it. In this case it is a powerful event that could be a great inciting incident mother kills father better to start the logline with that.
The whole portion of the logline relating to the outlaw seams redundant or too long. The outlaw is the MC’s ally you can mention him but don’t use up more than half the logline on him he is only an ally.
Better to describe the girl’s actions and the antagonist in the second half of the log line.
e.g:
After her father dies a teenager must fight a crime family with the aid of a bounty hunter in order to bring her mother to justice for killing her father.
Hope this helps.
No need to state the MC name unless it is vital to the story.
Why does the girl decide to bring her mother to justice now? My point is better to specify the inciting incident rather than hint at it. In this case it is a powerful event that could be a great inciting incident mother kills father better to start the logline with that.
The whole portion of the logline relating to the outlaw seams redundant or too long. The outlaw is the MC’s ally you can mention him but don’t use up more than half the logline on him he is only an ally.
Better to describe the girl’s actions and the antagonist in the second half of the log line.
e.g:
After her father dies a teenager must fight a crime family with the aid of a bounty hunter in order to bring her mother to justice for killing her father.
Hope this helps.