This is a children’s spec script. It’s a story with a moral message about being two-faced.
Peter, who has an over active imagination, overhears his mother “slagging-off” various friends in great detail. Descriptions that Peter takes quite literally. His imagination draws up images of monsters, pirates, and boogeymen etc, and he sets out to banish the beasts. He soon realises through several quests that they are not beasts at all, and in fact maybe it’s his own mother that is the ‘Incredibly grotesque monster with two disgusting faces’
Don’t get specific with names in a logline, keep it vague. A child with an overactive imagination.
I think including the “only to discover” sentence is a bit unnecessary. That’s kind of your surprise ending. You want people to go in thinking that these monsters are real, save the revelation for the script.
The problem the story faces right now is that there isn’t much conflict in the logline, the story seems to be very one-dimensional with the idea that he goes to banish the neighbor woman but realizes that she isn’t bad after all. Where is the roller coaster there?
What are the stakes if he doesn’t banish them?
He is a child. It’s about a child learning about being two-faced…So when he hears his mother ‘describing’ her friends, he takes her descriptions quite literally, so he see’s these people as various monsters, and decides to go on a ‘quest’ to track down, and banish the beasts. When he meets the people in person, each in turn, he becomes more and more confused as they are in fact kindhearted people, with each meeting he begins to see his mother for what she is…Two-faced. Of course, with Peters imagination, he see’s his mother as a beast with two faces.
Hope that makes sense
Sounds like something that can be very psychological and fantastic at the same time. I would also like to know what age Peter is. Is he an adult who is still attached to mother. Or a child? That would help set the tone. I would also pull the mother describing beasts thing earlier in the logline.
Good job