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It is not bad but you need more as to how it changes, why vegas? Remind me of:Oil and Vinegar (1987)
After John Hughes?s death in 2009, details on a lost project of his surfaced in the comments section of aVanity Fair piece about his life. Filmmaker Alan Metter, who directed Rodney Dangerfield?s Back to School, posted to describe a time that he passed up directing a movie written by John Hughes:
not a logline
Like how short it is. ?But how does it change? Who wants it to change? How does it impact on them? ?Here are my takes.
A road trip to Vegas is derailed when two out of four friends start a relationship that the others are determined to prevent.
Two couple on a trip to Vegas have a wild night of passion and partner swapping. ?One person from each side want a repeat performance, the others want to forget.
it can go anywhere, it’s up to you to tell us.
This barely counts as a logline. It is a premise, and a thin one at that.
Start with your protagonist, best to focus on one rather than a group and what makes them sympathetic.
Then, the inciting incident. What kicks off your story or your characters arc?
thirdly, the goal. What does the protagonist want?
And finally, the obstacles. What is the challenge he/she must overcome?
Try;
When a recently dumped woman is convinced to tag along on a road trip to Vegas with her friends to celebrate a bachelorette party she runs into her ex-boyfriend…
or or something like that. That’s a good (if cliched) start. Hope this helps.
The logline sets up a vague situation, but it lacks a plot. ?Who is the protagonist? ?What is her or his objective goal in going to Vegas? ?What obstacle or antagonist threatens to defeat that purpose? ?What’s at stake?
Please review the guidelines for composing an industry acceptable logline under “Training” at the top of the web page.