Penpusher
Posted: 2016-08-12T02:43:26+10:00 In:

Relationship between the group of friends change as they take trip to Vegas.

Ride

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The logline sets up a vague situation, but it lacks a plot. ?Who is the protagonist? ?What is her or his objective goal in going to Vegas? ?What obstacle or antagonist threatens to defeat that purpose? ?What’s at stake?

      Please review the guidelines for composing an industry acceptable logline under “Training” at the top of the web page.

      • 0

    2. This barely counts as a logline. It is a premise, and a thin one at that.

      Start with your protagonist, best to focus on one rather than a group and what makes them sympathetic.

      Then, the inciting incident. What kicks off your story or your characters arc?

      thirdly, the goal. What does the protagonist want?

      And finally, the obstacles. What is the challenge he/she must overcome?

      Try;

      When a recently dumped woman is convinced to tag along on a road trip to Vegas with her friends to celebrate a bachelorette party she runs into her ex-boyfriend…

      or or something like that. That’s a good (if cliched) start. Hope this helps.

      • 0
    3. Uberwriter

      Like how short it is. ?But how does it change? Who wants it to change? How does it impact on them? ?Here are my takes.

      A road trip to Vegas is derailed when two out of four friends start a relationship that the others are determined to prevent.

      Two couple on a trip to Vegas have a wild night of passion and partner swapping. ?One person from each side want a repeat performance, the others want to forget.

      it can go anywhere, it’s up to you to tell us.

      • 0
    4. Logliner

      not a logline

      • 0
    5. Logliner

      It is not bad but you need more as to how it changes, why vegas? Remind me of:Oil and Vinegar (1987)
      After John Hughes?s death in 2009, details on a lost project of his surfaced in the comments section of aVanity Fair piece about his life. Filmmaker Alan Metter, who directed Rodney Dangerfield?s Back to School, posted to describe a time that he passed up directing a movie written by John Hughes:

      ?John Hughes and I had the same agent. One day he called and sent over a script John had written and wanted me to direct (it was during the period when there were two John Hughes films being made each year, one he directed and the other he wrote and produced). It was about a guy (Mathew Broderick?) driving across the country on the way to his wedding. He picks up a girl hitchhiking (Molly Ringwald?) and they wind up in a moral dilemma, stranded in a motel room in the middle of nowhere, talking all night about every single thing that?s important to anyone coming of age. Like Breakfast Club it was a magnificent dialogue piece ? a cinematic play. I turned it down because no matter who directed John?s annual ?B? film, it was a John Hughes film. A year earlier my movie, Back To School, had opened the same weekend as Ferris Bueller and beat it at the box office. I didn?t want to take a back seat to John Hughes now. So this great John Hughes movie never got made. And I was never offered a script this good again. I never even got to meet the man. As career moves go, this was the greatest mistake of my life. Maybe someone will dig it up and be smart enough to make one last John Hughes film.? ? Filmmaker Alan Metter, 2009.

      • 0