Samurai
Posted: 2016-08-25T12:56:07+10:00 In:

[Revised] A manipulative cat uses trickery and the dark arts to exact revenge upon an unappreciative mother, disrupting her big presentation.

[Revised] A manipulative cat uses trickery and the dark arts to exact revenge upon an unappreciative mother, disrupting her big presentation.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Is the cat a stand alone character or has she become an incarnation of the daughter? ?Is the daughter acting out her revenge while trapped in the mind-body of the cat?

      And if so, shouldn’t her revenge be not to merely disrupt to the presentation, but to completely frustrate the mother’s objective goal?

      Which is? ?What is at stake in the mother’s presentation? ?What does the mother stand to gain by the presentation? ?A promotion? ?A big pay raise? ? What does she stand to lose if the presentation is a flop?

      And is the cat’s objective goal the right goal? ?And would a viewing audience sympathize with the cat and want her to succeed? ?Or to put it another way: ?what’s so funny about a main character frustrating a hard working woman’s effort to make a living and get ahead in her career?

      fwiw

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    2. Singularity

      If you say someone is going to exact revenge, you should tell us for what. In fact that will be your inciting incident. The action must be compelling, because revenge isn’t always a likable trait.
      So the action the lead is getting revenge for must be compelling enough for us, the audience to root for the lead character to succeed in their revenge.

      Hope that helped, good luck with this.

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    3. Singularity

      Agreed with DPG and Richiev.
      Also without any background knowledge of the concept a reader may not get what you mean when describing the cat as; wanting to exact revenge on a human mother. If the cat is the daughter incarnate, then it needs to be in the logline otherwise the concept parts with reality and confuses the unsuspecting reader.

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    4. Everyone above has made great points so I’ll help you out with a quick rewrite to get you on your way:

      When her mother turns her into a cat as a punishment, a supernatural girl tries to exact revenge on her while adapting to her new body.?

      Hope this helps.?

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