After inheriting his estranged father?s rundown Hotel, a disgraced PR agent must save it from impending demolition. When his first guest hangs himself and returns as a mischievous ghost, the owner has to use his skills and this pest to bring business back to life.
gvcool2Penpusher
After inheriting his estranged father?s rundown Hotel, a disgraced PR agent must save it from impending demolition. When his first guest hangs himself and returns as a mischievous ghost, the owner has to use his skills and this pest to bring business back to life.
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The second half of this logline is better than the first. Start from the period
Same comments apply from your last draft of the same concept…
There is a problem with the inciting incident and character description.
Inheriting a hotel fails to indicate motivation for his goal of succeeding as a hotel manager. However, if it were his loving father’s hotel where he grew up, and his life long dream was to run his father’s hotel, then there would be a direct connection and perhaps enough motivation. As it is described now (same as in the last revision) there is none.
There is also still a problem with the character’s flaw – “?disgraced?” is not a flaw he needs to over come, it’s other people’s perception of him and normally not of his own fault.
My feedback from the last hasn’t changed. Somehow the adjective sleazy might make me dislike your character even more than corrupt. And “suicidal” suggests they could commit suicide but doesn’t indicate that they HAVE committed it. Hope this helps.