Samurai
Posted: 2016-08-27T00:41:30+10:00 In:

[Revisedx3] At the worst possible moment, a girl calls upon the dark arts to teach her mother to be nicer to the cat.

[Revisedx3] At the worst possible moment, a girl calls upon the dark arts to teach her mother to be nicer to the cat.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Your previous logline attempts were better.

      The problem with this one, “At the worst possible moment” (Know thing from previous attempts) is from the point of view of the mother. But the lead character is the girl/cat.

      I liked the inciting incident where you told us her mother turns her into a cat. That sets up the revenge angle, which tells us the leads goal.

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    2. At only 22 words you have some room to elaborate. “The worst possible moment” is not an inciting incident, it’s far too vague. To me that draws to mind standing at the edge of a volcano with a gun to my loved ones head and being told Clerks III will never be made, but I’m pretty sure that’s not what your going for.

      Again, dealing with the supernatural is something that needs to be inherent in the story. You could go with the cat is her familiar and tie that together or that she is the daughter of an estranged wizard but it does need to be explained because here it comes way out of left field. Keep at it.

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