Heavy hearts
isabel.gLogliner
Robbed of her childhood after a tragedy, a young woman struggles to get her life on track. After a passionate romance, she finally begins to see a future for herself, but her past makes her a danger to everyone she loves and she must learn to heal before her future is taken from her too.
Share
If the bad thing happened to her in her childhood, why does she suddenly now struggle to get her life on track?
Presumable there have been a few years between the bad thing happening and her being an adult.
Or has she been struggling ever since the bad thing happened? If so then she isn’t trying to get her life back on track she is struggling for a normal life regardless what it was before.
In addition to DPG’s comments I think the logline is missing the crucial starting point for the MC. Without this it will be hard for the reader to see the character trajectory.
Hope this helps.
If the bad thing happened to her in her childhood, why does she suddenly now struggle to get her life on track?
Presumable there have been a few years between the bad thing happening and her being an adult.
Or has she been struggling ever since the bad thing happened? If so then she isn’t trying to get her life back on track she is struggling for a normal life regardless what it was before.
In addition to DPG’s comments I think the logline is missing the crucial starting point for the MC. Without this it will be hard for the reader to see the character trajectory.
Hope this helps.
>>she finally begins to see a future for herself,
An effective logline is not about a future a character sees, but about a future a character is fighting for. What is it? What is her specific objective goal?
>>she must learn to heal before her future is taken from her too
By who? Who is her enemy?
>>she finally begins to see a future for herself,
An effective logline is not about a future a character sees, but about a future a character is fighting for. What is it? What is her specific objective goal?
>>she must learn to heal before her future is taken from her too
By who? Who is her enemy?
It feels like there are two warring loglines here. I’d develop the first sentence into your logline, maybe something like: Following a childhood tragedy, a young woman’s life spirals out of control and so she must learn to heal before she again hurts those who love her the most.
This could be written as a drama or even a horror (my favourite) and I’m intrigued to find out exactly what the story is about. I think it just needs a little streamlining.
All the best
JP
It feels like there are two warring loglines here. I’d develop the first sentence into your logline, maybe something like: Following a childhood tragedy, a young woman’s life spirals out of control and so she must learn to heal before she again hurts those who love her the most.
This could be written as a drama or even a horror (my favourite) and I’m intrigued to find out exactly what the story is about. I think it just needs a little streamlining.
All the best
JP