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Rohanthi
Posted: July 13, 20122012-07-13T12:31:23+10:00 2012-07-13T12:31:23+10:00In: Public

Roxi finds her family album in an old abandon house, where it turns out to be the only link in finding her long lost twin brother who holds a secret

Roxi finds her family album in an old abandon house, where it turns out to be the only link in finding her long lost twin brother who holds a secret

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    4 Reviews

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    1. [Deleted User]
      2012-07-13T12:48:50+10:00Added an answer on July 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm

      Very cool inciting incident!

      Is there a character journey for Roxi? Does the whole experience change her in any way?

      You can surely tighten the phrase “where it turns out to be the only link in finding”.

      And if the secret is revealed at the Mid Point (which I hope it does), do include it in the logline as nothing is more annoying than a plot hinging on a twist you only reveal at the end. In simple terms: your plot also needs to work without the secret/twist. Right now it is somewhat thin without it.

      Finally, right now the logline reads like a mystery and they simply don’t often work on the big screen. Check it out… Mysteries and whodonits were a trend in the days of Agatha Christie but apart from some adaptations of bestselling novels, you’ll find it hard to find a recent successful mystery movie.

      But perhaps the genre is thriller or horror, in which case this needs to be clarified in the logline, too.

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    2. 2012-07-13T12:56:45+10:00Added an answer on July 13, 2012 at 12:56 pm

      if you want to sell it, it has to be clear, not vague or mysterious. it is too vague, what is the mystery? and what is she doing in an abandoned house?

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    3. [Deleted User]
      2012-07-13T16:19:11+10:00Added an answer on July 13, 2012 at 4:19 pm

      I agree with you Deb, except that we don’t need to know what she did in the abandoned house. It’s only the inciting incident. We need more detail about what happens in Act 2, not Act 1.

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    4. Rohanthi
      2012-09-10T06:11:06+10:00Added an answer on September 10, 2012 at 6:11 am

      Hi,
      Thank you for your feedback… I did a bit of editing. What do you think about this….

      Roxi is a FBI Agent, who finds her family album in an old abandon house, where it turns out to be the only link in finding her long lost twin brother who holds the secret of the FBI cold case.

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