Penpusher
Posted: 2012-09-17T12:56:09+10:00 In:

Set around the riots in Redfern during 2004 AROUND THE BLOCK is about breaking family and cultural cycles for a hopeful future. A contemporary story of love, revenge andtriumph, a young Aboriginal boy becomes torn between his unexpected love of acting and the disintegration of his family

Around the Block

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    4 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      This part is the logline: “a young Aboriginal boy becomes torn between his unexpected love of acting and the disintegration of his family”. The rest is promotional stuff that’s not necessary here.

      So let’s look at that.

      Your protag is a young aboriginal actor. His family is disintegrating around him. How are these two things connected? You’ve described the choice, but how is he put in the position to have to make that choice? What is his goal, and what is the conflict stopping him from achieving that goal? The stakes are clear – his family will, if not die, at least abandon him. But disintegrate can be interpreted in so many ways, I think you need to clarify what the real danger to them and the boy is.

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    2. A bit long and disjointed, I’d say. As Nick points out, start out with “the young Aboriginal boy”, and you should always start with words like “When”, or “As”, or “After”, etc.

      “When an aboriginal boy chooses between acting or staying in the family business, his choice could result in losing his loved one’s, his financial security, and his girlfriend to the evil store manager.”

      Not a good logline, and certainly not yours, but that’s the general set-up.

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    3. Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge.

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    4. There is real potential here to tell a worthwhile and topical story about the protagonist rising above defeatism, negativity, and ignorance. However the logline presented is verbose and details the wrong things. It needs to be sharper and more dramatic. For example, “a young boy reaches out to explore his love of acting, however his disintegrating family and riotsome neighbourhood do not lightly permit such lofty pursuits. His kinsmen are bent to make him abandon art and freedom for the sake of keeping to his Aboriginal roots.” There is a powerful story here for a courageous director.

      Steven Fernandez (Judge)

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