Synchronicity
jamesmichaelPenpusher
Set to the hit music of pop star Kylie Minogue, this musical spectacular follows 17-year-old Kylie Power, who, upon moving to her father?s hometown of Sydney, is given one last chance to pursue her dream of becoming a synchronised swimming champion.
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I disagree with the people telling you to remove the Kylie Minogue reference – it’s a fantastic, simple way to imply the vibe of the film. The final product may not include many/any Kylie tunes due to rights issues, but that’s not something to worry about here. The story sounds fun and kooky; my main comment would be that it’s just a little detail-heavy. We don’t need to know that Sydney is her father’s hometown, and even beyond bigger details like this, just think about ways to cut individual words whilst getting the same message across. It needs to be a little shorter, sharper, snappier to get people interested quickly.
jamesmichael,
when the person wrote, unless you produce and direct the film the scriptwriter has zero influence on the music, tha person was wrong. If the producer and director want your input that is up to them.
If the lyrics/tune of the songs are specific to the content of the film, and should those tunes be used at that point, you will have influence on the film.
“A (place a fitting descriptive adjective here) teenage who, upon moving to her father?s hometown of Sydney, is given one last chance to pursue her dream of becoming a synchronised swimming champion “or”…(place her stakes here).”
Remove that Kylie Minogue nonsense. Unless you are producing and directing yourself, you’ll have zero influence on the music, soundtrack, dance numbers, stunts, etc. If you ARE producing it and directing it yourself, you can write any logline you’d like, since it doesn’t matter anyhow. The meat of the logline is the last two thirds.
Include the adjective and the stakes and you’ll have an effective logline.
Not logline stuff.
Don’t worry about getting the rights to her music, finding out if the music would be available is all you need bother with when writing the script. Leave the getting the rights etc to a producer when the film goes into pre- pre-production.
Stating that the music is by Kylie Minogue can be put after the logline, so it needn’t be included. This might help you, does Kylie Minogue like synchronised swimming?
Logline stuff.
The more ways you get to re-think the logline, the better for you. I hope this gives you food for thought.
Kylie Powers, 17, has gone to live with her dad, again. This time she is going to follow her dream to be a synchronised swimming champ, despite what her (mother, father, coach, best friend, boyfriend) says. Choose whoever fits the story)
Good luck.
Great story, but I would rather leave out Kylie’s name, focusing on the teenage girl with the dreams, taking an unforseen path in life. Kylie fans will hear about the movie and see it anyway. Non fans will get surprised by the fact that the protagonist is actually K.M. I agree with previous post, regarding an antagonist.
Hope you got the rights to her music before you do an ounce of work on this.
I like the sound of it, your intention is good.
Logline problem’s aside, will the producer get all the copyright licenses? Also which songs will be used?
Regarding the logline:
Use of the word spectacular is a word that ‘preaches to the unknowing’. Take it that a producer is one that knows, please remove the word. It won’t impress a producer.
The story seems clear enough. Kylie follows the trials and tribulations of becoming a synchronised swimming champion, does she have an opponent throughout? Maybe her coach has doubts? Find someone who could be an antagonist, and promote them.
As the logline reads at the moment, the story tells of her journey, promoting someone to the position of antagonist will give the story balance. As the old addage states, there are two sides to every story.