Penpusher
Posted: 2016-03-12T09:17:01+10:00 In:

Sex, drugs, and violence are controlled in the casino club the the CROWD CONTROL team. Fighting with the crowds is the best part of their job. But can they control themselves?

Sex, drugs, and violence are controlled in the casino club the the CROWD CONTROL team. Fighting with the crowds is the best part of their job. But can they control themselves?
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      In a logline it’s usually best to concentrate on the lead character instead of a group of people, otherwise the logline will come off as more of a situation than a story.

      Is there a lead character?
      What do they want?
      What is standing in their way?

      Finally, when a story begins, everything is normal, then something happens to disrupt the norm. A new boss, new ownership of the casino, or ?maybe a new member of the team who does things different. In your logline I see the norm but not what breaks up the norm.

      anyway, hope that helps, good luck with this!

      • 0
    2. Mentor

      I feel like this is more a tagline than a logline. Usually you don t ask questions in alogline, questions are tagline tools. I d like to have more informations about the main character this goal the source of conflict, the plot.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      Yes, it reads more like a blurb than a logline.? Loglines imply dramatic questions? but?don’t explicitly state them.

      And as noted, the logline lacks a?particular protagonist for the audience to identify with,.? And there is no??inciting incident.? And no ?clearly defined goal.? And it lacks a specific adversary or? problem that threatens to defeat the protagonist from achieving the ?goal.

      • 0