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logsoflinesPenpusher
Posted: November 12, 20172017-11-12T02:17:09+10:00 2017-11-12T02:17:09+10:00In: Comedy

(short script) When a pair of bumbling friends encounter a moody Princess, one of them makes sure that she is given a lesson in humility.

(short script) When a pair of bumbling friends encounter a moody Princess, one of them makes sure that she is given a lesson in humility.
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    8 Reviews

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    1. Best Answer
      Richiev Singularity
      2017-11-12T03:11:29+10:00Added an answer on November 12, 2017 at 3:11 am

      You should have the princess do something mean or snobby to the lead characters so we can relate to? their goal of teaching her a lesson in humility,
      Otherwise the lead characters are the ones who will come across as mean and unlikable.

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    2. Best Answer
      dpg Singularity
      2017-11-12T04:56:08+10:00Added an answer on November 12, 2017 at 4:56 am

      As Richiev said.? Humiliating a princess just because she’s “moody” is not a sufficient dramatic justification for their behavior in a way that will elicit audience interest and?empathy.

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    3. Best Answer
      savinh0 Samurai
      2017-11-12T05:49:19+10:00Added an answer on November 12, 2017 at 5:49 am

      Agree with Richiev and dpg.
      I would also add at the end of your logline which specific lesson they want to teach the Princess. It boosts your whole pitch.

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    4. Best Answer
      Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-11-12T10:42:29+10:00Added an answer on November 12, 2017 at 10:42 am

      Agreed with all the above.

      I suggest you use the Princess’ character against her, in other words, let her flaw make her do something to the protagonists – this would become their inciting incident and tie into the plot. For example, if she was somehow stranded on the streets and was mean to a homeless man by stealing the little bit of money he had when he was asleep so she can contact her family, that would force him to take action. Her flaw of selfishness caused a situation that motivated the poor guy. This isn’t quite your story but the point is made – connect the character tendencies and actions with a cause and effect relationship.

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    5. Best Answer
      logsoflines Penpusher
      2017-11-13T10:25:01+10:00Added an answer on November 13, 2017 at 10:25 am

      It’s in there.

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    6. Best Answer
      logsoflines Penpusher
      2017-11-13T10:27:50+10:00Added an answer on November 13, 2017 at 10:27 am

      ech.

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    7. Best Answer
      logsoflines Penpusher
      2017-11-13T10:28:53+10:00Added an answer on November 13, 2017 at 10:28 am

      I fucking love it! Don’t listen to the whiny voices!!

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    8. Best Answer
      Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-11-13T10:52:00+10:00Added an answer on November 13, 2017 at 10:52 am

      You wrote “…I fucking love it! Don?t listen to the whiny voices!!…” and voted your own obscure comment as ‘Best comment’.

      Are you seriously complementing yourself or were these jokes?

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