Penpusher
Posted: 2019-03-07T11:14:02+10:00 In:

: Six high school boys become competitors and then, enemies, when they get involved in the drug world, leading to a triple murder.

: Six high school boys become competitors and then, enemies, when they get involved in the drug world, leading to a triple murder.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      Agree.

      Do they start as friends? Is this about good kids gone bad or bad kids gone worse? Clarify the hook.

      Specify the drug/world. Do they sell in school or everywhere in town? As above, is there something more to say about the school or the town?

      No need to state the triple murder and the stakes will be understood when the rest is sharpened.

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      Six lead characters is a bit much, sometimes you can get away with two, but most the time there will be one main character even if the story follows several. (I can only think of Breakfast Club as a good example of multiple lead characters)

      Who is the lead character? Something happens to the lead character which causes them to have a goal. Which of the six characters has the goal? Which one drives the story?

      Telling this logline from the point of view of the lead character will help improve it greatly.

      • 0