The visitors
Some old-styled black magician migrants are suspected for the mysterious death of a boy, and their houses burnt down; but soon these good people turn back to life as the undead due to their powers and are hungry for revenge from the entire town.
Share
I believe there is a good idea here but this logline is worded in an awkward way and should be re-written for clarity.
“Old-styled black magician migants” This line is confusing.
“…soon these good people turn back to life as the undead due to their powers.” This line is overly long and clunky, Just say “they come back as zombies.”
“…Are hungry for revenge from the entire town” The revenge is coming from the town?
Anyway, with a little bit of re-writing this should be much better,
—–
When three migrants are killed after mysterious death of the mayors son, they return as zombies seeking revenge on the backwoods town that wrongly murdered them.”
—–
Hope that helped, good luck with this.
A lot of thanks to you. But just one thing, they don’t come back as zombies, they are the people who are back from hell due to their praying the demon god when they were alive. Zombies are a cliche…
Richiev has nailed this, Spiritwriter, it’s too long and confusing.
It does sound intriguing, but needs a lot of work.
Along with the points already raised, are the migrants black, or do they perform black-magic?
If you can get it down to around 25 words, so much the better.
My version might go something like:
__
Users of old magic, a migrant family suspected of a boy’s death return as the undead, when burnt alive by locals; and vie for revenge.
__
Good luck
Who are your protagonists? Townsfolk trying to escape the undead vengeance being wreaked upon them, or the migrants themselves? (I haven’t seen many movies where the undead are the protagonists, so this makes it interesting to me – more interesting than the unsuspecting townsfolk).
Good point Nicholas.
‘High plains drifter’ had a similar situation (Man coming back from the dead to exact revenge on a town) but had a lead specific character.
It’s all the setup for every freddy krueger film ever done, but again, the focus is on the teenagers, they’re not freddy’s stories.