Spike a shy, autistic football genius finds a teams playbook, easily memorizes it, then morphs into a gregarious man about town while helping the head coach win the big game
spike2018Logliner
Spike a shy, autistic football genius finds a teams playbook, easily memorizes it, then morphs into a gregarious man about town while helping the head coach win the big game
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Your logline is missing conflict. Story is conflict, so it is an important element of a logline.
Richiev is right. Where’s the conflict?
Maybe Spike needs to help the coach before everyone finds out he found and memorized the playbook?
The logline is a bit confusing. It makes it sound like the playbook had some sort of magical powers that, after reading it, caused Spike to morph into someone he, maybe, had always wanted to become.
I’m also confused with the term “football genius”. Is he an extremely gifted player or is he a superfan who knows the sport inside and out?
What are some of the elements that are going to make this a comedy? What are some films you can relate this one to? Try looking up different loglines for inspiration.
basically, this story glorifies cheating and stealing into something that we, hard working people should get behind and root for? i think not.
Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar to learn more about logline conventions. For starters, no need to mention the main character’s name, just describe him and his major flaw – and if you’re wondering, autistic isn’t a flaw, it’s a condition. A character flaw is an aspect of a character’s personality or a habit that negatively impacts their life and at the same time is something they are able to overcome.
As for the story the plot is unclear, he finds the book and helps the couch but what is his goal? To make the team win the big game? If so, how will the viewing audience know that he was responsible for the win? No amount of strategy will ever compete with sporting talent – it would be the players that win not Spike.
Secondly, a good goal needs a good inciting incident. What single, out of the ordinary event that was initiated by an external force, motivated him to take action? Him finding the book doesn’t cut it, he found it and it wasn’t world changing by any means. Best to come up with something else that a character or organization does which forces him to take action.
This segues into the last problem with this concept – the stakes. What is at stake here should the team lose? What does the main character stand to gain should they win? The most I can glean from the logline is he may stand to lose his new found sense of confidence – no big deal really. Sure, for a socially awkward person such as him, confidence is a good thing, but certainly not story worthy. Is there a bigger stake you could give him like a college scholarship or big team job offer instead.
As stated by previous reviewers, this Logline is a mess. Moreover I don’t think that as describe the motivation to hire your autistic character makes sense. To me it would make more sense if the playbook is lost or destroyed during the head coach accident. When the substitute coach realises that the autistic character has memorised the entire playbook, then it makes sense to hire him and try to integrate him into the coaching staff.
When an autistic football savant is hired to help a newly appointed football head coach, he must convince both his family, doctors and sceptic players of his ability to avoid being permanently committed.