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Alan SmitheePenpusher
Posted: May 28, 20132013-05-28T20:11:16+10:00 2013-05-28T20:11:16+10:00In: Public

Struggling through the death of her father and the onset of manic depression, a gifted 17-year old young woman?s life is turned upside down when she must live with her estranged party-girl mother, where she quietly plans to kill herself on her 18th birthday – unless life intervenes.

A Better Place

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    3 Reviews

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    1. kbfilmworks Samurai
      2013-05-29T08:45:26+10:00Added an answer on May 29, 2013 at 8:45 am

      After her father dies, a gifted and troubled young woman must learn to live with her estranged party girl mother.

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    2. Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
      2013-05-29T14:19:41+10:00Added an answer on May 29, 2013 at 2:19 pm

      The bit that would get me to watch is the fact that your protagonist is planning their death. So that’s the meat and potatoes of your story.

      “When she is sent to live with her irresponsible mother following her father’s death, a gifted but depressed young woman orchestrates her suicide.” (It almost sounds like she’s orchestrating her mother’s suicide … anyway, just playing with it).

      The problem I see is; who or what is the antagonist in your story? If your main character is depressed and wants to die, and no one else knows that she wants to die, what significance does waiting until the 18th birthday hold? What is the conflict in the story?

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    3. [Deleted User]
      2013-05-30T23:57:47+10:00Added an answer on May 30, 2013 at 11:57 pm

      Thanks for the comments, chaps. My first logline, so I knew it would have some problems. Thanks for things to think about.

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