Untitled Pilot (suggestions?)
Eli TeirelinckPenpusher
After gaining superhuman powers, a group of wannabe heroes run into a bunch of hijinxs when they decide they’d rather be super-villains.
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The concept here is confusing.
If they gained super hero powers they are super heroes and not wannabe heroes so perhaps best to describe them as wannabe heroes that then gained powers.
After a group of wannabe super heroes actually gained super powers?
The main characters are not clear, how many people are in the group? What ages are they? Male or female? Is there a reason that the story is about a group of people and not one? Is the multi protagonist plot necessary? If not I suggest making this a story about one person it would be easier to describe them and structure the story well.
What is a hijinx? This is an unclear element of the story.
The twist at the end of their ambitions changing to being super-villains is an unexpected change of character that may deter producers as it calls for a different plot and heroes journey. This also makes them anti heroes but without an appropriate character build up to support it.
Look at Breaking Bad it took season 2, 3, 4 and 5 to transform a character from hero to anti hero thats 1800 hours of screen time and it just about worked…
Hope this helps.
This logline seems to contradict itself – can they be “wannabe heros” if they’ve decided to be villains? Also, I feel like the phrase “run into a bunch of hijinxs [sic – s/b ‘hijinks’]” could be replaced with something better – I’m not sure hijinks are something one can run into a bunch of.
I like the concept of having your protagonist get superpowers and decide to use them for villainy, that’s interesting.
Seems to follow along a theme that has been explored in films like Megamind and Despicable Me. I also agree with the other posters that hijinks does not hint toward the actual storyline. It’s like when people used to say “hilarity ensues” after whatever their idea was. It’s just not enough for me to see the movie in my head.
I agree with the other comments here. It’s a cool, different idea, but we don’t really have a sense of who your antagonist is or where the conflict comes from. If your characters have decided they want to be supervillains, wouldn’t they run into the problem of facing other, actual superheroes that foil their villainous plots? If not, then there’s not really a conflict, just a series of funny incidents. This sounds like something my boyfriend would love to see.