Penpusher
Posted: 2012-08-15T15:51:42+10:00 In:

– Ten-year-old Arkie?s quest to find her friend Blister takes her into a strange and beautiful world, in which she must overcome her darkest fears in order to save him and fulfil her destiny

Scary Girl.

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    4 Reviews

    1. The only clear story element is the quest to look for ‘Arkie’s’ friend. This is a goal, however, I don’t know if the main characters are male, female, or possibly in the case of blister, an animal?

      The logline starts to list the second act and what will eventually happen in the story, but as has been written, it really is an inner journey story and I don’t see where the conflict is, is it between the characters? How did blister get lost? Who is the antagonist? Why does Arkie have to find blister, can blister not get back by him/herself?

      On second reading I thought perhaps the world may have been the antagonist, but ‘strange and beautiful’ makes it sound like the main character will be walking around inside a Tim Burton movie looking inside themselves. Great art direction doesn’t necessarily make for a good story.

      In my opinion, the two main things lacking in this logline are conflict and the fact that the story is really an inner journey.

      Dave Trendall – Judge

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    2. Although I can’t be certain, I’m sensing an “Avatar the Last Airbender” vibe (the television show, I refuse to acknowledge the movie exists) which is great. Like avatar, the protagonist is ten, and the names have that cutesy anime feel.

      However, I agree with the others, you must cut out vague phrases like “a strange and beautiful world”, and “overcome her darkest fears” and “fulfil her destiny”, and replace them with specifics like:

      – the main character’s strength, flaw and occupation
      – what kind of world she travels to
      – what’s stopping the main character from achieving her outer goal (to save her friend Blister)

      If it is indeed an anime movie, providing these specifics will make it clearer to the reader.

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    3. Logliner

      These inner-journey-only loglines are doing my head in.

      Even if there is a good story underneath, WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS.

      It keeps baffling me how this type of loglines can be published on the web site of Australia’s main funding agency. All it does is proving that the filmmakers have no idea how to sell their films.

      “a strange and beautiful world, in which she must overcome her darkest fears in order to save him and fulfil her destiny ” This is as vague as it gets. What sort of world is this? Outer space? The jungle? Deep ocean?

      “overcome the darkest fears” is what EVERY transformational character does, as goes for ‘fulfil her destiny’

      In my view, these loglines betray our own funding gatekeepers’ lack of understanding of film marketing.

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    4. While the names are cute and quirky, don’t include them in a logline (unless they are famous characters with a following).

      Phrases like “a strnage and beautiful worlf”, and “must overcome her darkest fears” and “to save him and fulfill her destiny” are cliched and too generic. You need more specifics to YOUR story; this logline can fit almost every sci-fi or fantasy story ever written. The basic definition of a character arc is overcoming fears to fulfill a destiny (btw, watch the spelling, too).

      Once you can offer up a more definitive antagonist, obstacle and “hook”, and give us the true genere you’re after, we can help with a better logline choice.

      Good luck!

      Geno Scala (sharkeatingman)- judge

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