my Jewish angel sweet george
Ten year old Richie is bullied and sexually assaulted by a gang of black racist in Zerega a juvenile corrections facility in NYC, Upon Richie?s release he attends a school for troubled boys and is subject to the same reverse discrimination. Richie meets a teacher who becomes his mentor and guides Richie through a horrific four more months of bullying torture only to see Richie brake down and run. After years of Richie?s long-suffering behavior they meet again except the mentor-ship wheels have turned.
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This is basically just waaaaayyy to long for a logline. To much info is thrown in making it extremely confusing. 25-30 words max is expected.
I would suggest cutting the story down to its extreme basics. A troubled youth who is assualted in a school for troubled boys meets a teacher who becomes his guide until he runs away to escape the constant assualt.
You want to include in the logline (in this order) the character and his flaw, the inciting incidnet and the result of this inciting incident (i.e what the GOAL of the character becomes). Unfortunately there is no goal in this logline.
Sorry for the long post, hope it helps