The fascist command centre destroyed, Rains must escape the heart of battle and return to his allies aboard the VEIDT – the last remaining rebel command ship in orbit. With losses on all sides the remnants of humanity face the oldest of challenges: survival.

Do we have a few Casablanca references there? 🙂

The logline sounds quite generic. There’s nothing in here that we haven’t seen in Star Wars before. Of course you can argue that everything has been done before – and it has. But you’ll need to give us some unique angle that makes us want to see this film in particular.

Who is Rains? We need to know a few things about our main character. Function (Rebel commander, I presume) and weakness are usually the most effective elements in a logline.

When is the story set?

You’ll probably get more interest by giving the fascist oppressor a face. Who is Rains up against, other than ‘the fascists’? And what do they have over him that will make it hard for him to achieve the goal?

Be aware that ‘return to his allies’ is a specific goal, while ‘survival’ is open-ended, unless it involves undoing/preventing a specific murderous action by the enemy. Open-ended doesn’t sell well.

And while returning to the allies is clear and specific, it is not enough a foundation for a movie, I’m afraid.

I hope all this helps somewhat in shaping the next draft of the logline (or re-shaping the story if you need to).

Happy loglining!