The Immortal Kind
JBalmerPenpusher
The Greek gods and goddesses from myth are very much real, callous, and they are all coming for an unsuspecting 16-year-old Alexandra Adler, whether she likes it or not.
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I like this a lot, very intriguing. I would only suggest that it might be helpful to add a small hint towards why they are choosing Alexander Adler. Unsuspecting is pretty much assumed and doesn’t tell us much about her. I would use another adjective that hints towards why she is special/chosen, and remove any mention of her actual name.
I would also suggest to describe what the main conflict will be. Who is the antagonist?
Thank you. What do you think of this one?
A sixteen-year-old girl discovers that the Greek gods and goddesses from myth are very much real and very dangerous when they begin hunting her because of her secret importance to Zeus.
The Gods and Goddesses of Greek myth are all too real, and 16 year old Alexandra Adler is about to learn just how much they don’t care about humanity.
But what’s Alex’s objective goal? If the Greeks gods don’t give a damn about us, why should we give a damn about them in this story?
First thing that comes to mind is: PERCY JACKSON & THE LIGHTNING THIEF, except in this logline its a girl and instead of Poseidon its Zeus. Always do some research of your concept first to see if there is something like // similar out there. This will save you countless hours and as easy as I could see it, there will be a producer // reader who passes on this because of the relation.
Yep. And consider the logline of “Percy Jackson & the Ligtning Thief”:
When a teenager discovers he’s the descendant of a Greek god, he must settle an on-going battle between the gods.
A discovery triggers an objective goal.
I think if I told you all a little more about the story then that could help. Alex is the greek goddess Aidos. She was Prometheus’ daughter. According the Hesiod, Aidos and Nemesis have to ascend to Olympus in order for Zeus to be able to destroy the current age of man.
New Logline: A teenage girl must battle a slew of legendary Greek deities in order to stop Zeus from destroying mankind.
This attempt is better JBalmer because you first attempt makes it seem like the Greek Gods are the protagonists.
However I would note that if the Greek Gods are hunting her, it is implied that they are real and not myth therefore saying “the Greek gods and goddesses from myth are very much real…” is repetitive
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When a sixteen-year-old girl discovers the ancient Greek gods are hunter her she must (do this) in order to (prevent this)
Hope that helped, good luck with this.
Had to fix my typo:
When a sixteen-year-old girl discovers the ancient Greek gods are hunting her she must (do this) in order to (prevent this)
“A teenage goddess is the only thing standing between humanities survival from the wrath of Mt. Olympus.”
This in some cases can be all that is needed but ask yourself is this the best logline you want to represent your hours of hard work. Tell your friends, relatives and strangers and see their reaction. This is the best way to “shop around” and get valuable insight from non-movie makers that pay money to see films.
Now that we have a basic concept we MUST include a clear Goal, Stakes & Urgency.
1)
The goal is to save humanity but how is she going to attempt that ??
Is she going to dethrone Zeus by destroying his crown in the bowls of Hades or unleash the titans ??
2)
What is she risking ??
Is this a love story and she loves a mortal teenage boy ?? What is her connection with Earth // humanity ??
3)
Why is she doing it now ?? Why is she forced to act ??
Is there a time element that she has to overcome ?? What is facing her as an obstacle that is impending ??
Hope this helps 😀
Tor
Yes yes, i like: send me the script 😉
But the timing: why is there a crisis now with the Greek gods that has to be dealt with? After all these thousands of years?