The harsh realities of the Wild West challenges a New York marshal’s stoicism when he searches for a fugitive he must capture alive to earn a spot in the Secret Service.
EethanSamurai
The harsh realities of the Wild West challenges a New York marshal’s stoicism when he searches for a fugitive he must capture alive to earn a spot in the Secret Service.
Share
I believe dpg is correct, you should also give us some stakes
Why not just establish him as? Secret Service rookie and this is his first assignment?
I will forbear wading into the weeds of? how the concept needs to jive with the history of the service and merely point out that this version of the logline is all about him.? It has him acting to advance his own career. His motivation is selfish.
It would be better if his action were framed in terms of a greater good.? That the stakes are greater than just advancing his career prospects.? He would be a more likable character if his motivation were altruistic, for the sake of others.? What threat to society does the fugitive pose anyway?
You should make this a little more personal… Either tell us how the fugitive personally hurt the lead character, or tell us why it means so much to the lead to join the secret service. Either one will help the logline.
what–specifically–is the harsh reality of wild west
and how–exactly–does it challenge his stoicism
although the character’s goal is pretty clear, his dramatic need isn’t..
& why now?
PS. is n/a a possible title?