Phantom of the Playhouse
The lives of three teenage girls competing for their shot in the spotlight are put in danger when a horribly disfigured man living beneath the stage claims them as his lovers.
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Ok so this is a pretty good start but I think it could still do with some changes.
You have the protagonist (good) their goal (good) and the obstacle (also really good).
What you really need to do though is be a little more specific without increasing your word count. This is especially true of their goal. (for the record I hate multi-protagonist loglines, I think they’re almost always messy, but i’ll ignore that for now)
This could be improved greatly if rather then writing ‘competing for their shot in the spotlight’ write what this actually is. It’s called Phantom of the Playhouse so I assume its for a part in an upcoming play. This also goes for ‘Put in Danger.’ For some reason this doesn’t sound very dangerous. Be more specific. “Must foil his evil plans” for example.
Hope that helps
I disagree slightly with jamesmichael, I don’t believe “Three girls” are a protagonist, It needs one specific protagonist with a characteristic that defines them.
“When a selfish high school drama-queen fights to become the lead in the school play, she becomes the lead suspect when her fellow competitors begin to disappear.”
This isn’t the best example. but I hope you see how I narrowed it down to one lead character.
Hope this helps, good luck with this!!
When a school nerd is given the lead role in the end-of-year play, she must overcome her desire to be popular to out the rapist living beneath the stage ….?????
yes, you definitely need one protagonist