The naive daughter of the police chief gets a taste of criminal life after using her father?s car to sneak out and setting out to steal it back from car thieves before he or any other cop finds out.
sloanpetersonLogliner
The naive daughter of the police chief gets a taste of criminal life after using her father?s car to sneak out and setting out to steal it back from car thieves before he or any other cop finds out.
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Agreed with Richiev, the wording is standing in the way of clarity.
Are the stakes her father losing his beloved car or her coping the blame for the car being stolen?
If the logline is worded right, then we will know she gets a taste of criminal life from reading it and won’t have to be told.
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“When her father’s vintage ?Crown Victoria is stolen, a desperate daughter of the police chief must steal it back from a local biker gang safe and in pristine condition before her dad finds out she took it without permission.”
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I think the lead needs a different goal… The goal would be the reason she took the car in the first place and the reason she must get the vehicle back without her father finding out is because she will be grounded for life and (Miss the big dance) or something like that.
She wants something, (Something the audience can relate to)
her father said no.
She takes the car,
now as a result of her disobeying her father,
the car is stolen
and she is in big trouble if the theft is discovered by her dad.
Thus begins the longest night of her life filled with an assortment of odd (Bubble boy type) characters and strange situations.
Just some thoughts