An ambitious group of college students decide to travel to the forests of Africa in search of a hidden village for a class project, when they encounter a powerful witch-doctor who creates division and lures them into a trap.
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No protagonist, and also, they do all that FOR A CLASS PROJECT? Are they crapping money? And what kind of trap? What is at stake? What do they need to do? You’re missing MOST of the components of a logline.
1: You don’t have to tell us what they decide to do, just begin with the action
2: You need a lead character, one person in the group that stands out.
3: You need a bigger goal than “Finding a lost village” (Or at least make it a unique village in some way;? a village where no one ages for instance)
Here would be an example:
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“When he’s captured by a powerful witch-doctor while searching for the lost temple of Isis, a smarmy archaeology professor, and his class must convince the witch-doctors daughter to join their cause if they are to escape and make the discovery of a lifetime.”
The logline lacks a clearly defined, singular protagonist.? And it sets up an inciting incident but doesn’t follow through with? a plot.? What must the college students do when the trap is set?? The logline leaves them dangling as victims of the witch doctor.? It puts the witch doctor in the driver’s seat, steering the plot.? Whose story is this anyway?
This whole version seems to be your inciting incident. Loglines are about what your protagonist does in response to this specific event.
Secondly, it would greatly benefit from one specific protagonist which could be their “class representative” or coach…
Finally, what becomes his Objective Goal as a result of this trap?
For the Inciting Event “On their field trip to Africa, when an ambitious group of students encounter a powerful witch-doctor (who creates division and lures them into a trap)…” [the protagonist] must [do this main action/reach this goal]
Your Inciting incident still seems pretty disconnected from the conflict which ensues as a result. What’s the underlying logic that drives your logline? i.e., Why is the witch doctor intent on trapping them? How does it all unify into one specific line of action? What are the stakes?
Good Luck Mamba81!!