Penpusher
Posted: 2013-06-17T01:11:07+10:00 In:

The story about the ghost of a 5-year-old who will not rest until her mother gets justice, finds love and lives happily ever after.

The Ghost Of Zerlina

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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Interesting Idea, Sleepless in Seattle meets Casper the friendly ghost. (Or maybe parent trap meets poltergeist) I don’t think I have seen this movie before.

      1) I wouldn’t start with “The story about…” besides the fact it should be “A story about…” it’s also unnecessary. Just start with “The Ghost of a 5-year-old”

      2) Story is conflict. I am not seeing any conflict here. The ghost wants his mother to ‘be happy’ and I am sure the mom wants that as well. The logline should tell us who or what is standing in the way?

      3) from your logine it appears that the Ghost is the lead character, if this is the case, then good. If the mom is the lead character, then the logline should be re-written to reflect that.

      Hoped that helped, good luck with this.
      —–
      “After the death of her son, supernatural occurrences begin haunting a lonely mother after she unknowingly starts dating her child’s killer.”

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    2. Singularity

      >>until her mother gets justice

      Why does the mother need justice? What kind of justice? Does it have something to do with the kid’s untimely death?

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    3. Hi Mike,

      Yes, I also think you should outline the antagonist or at least the danger that the mother is in to create more drama in your log line. I personally am ok with ‘This is a story…’. In fact I had to hand in a logline and synopsis to a filming body and their example of a logline started with those words. But it just adds more words and the best loglines are under 25 words. 😉

      The ghost of a 5yr old girl will go to any lengths to protect her grieving mother from ‘an unjust cause’ so she can finally find happiness.

      Hope this helps!

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    4. Obviously my example above needs your antagonist slotted in at ‘an unjust cause’! 😉

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