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The story of a boy who can teleport throughout space and time, and his eventual self-inflicted downfall.
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I have thought out the story, I was just a little confused on what was wanted in the logline. The boy discovers his powers in his late teens, and soon after an enemy arrives who is, at the very least, a stronger, older version of the protagonist. By the end of their conflict, the protagonist learns that his enemy is himself at an older age. The protagonist then goes back in time to try to stop himself from become what he saw as a villian, but sees his past self as the real villian. Now the viewer can see past events without the bias of the protagonist, and see that he really was being a selfish jerk. As per request of other comments I won’t spoil the ending, but I am working on a script that you might be interested in.
This is not a logline. You tell is there is a story. But not what that story is.
An interesting character, but what is he trying to do? Who/what is stopping him?
And it sounds like you give away the ending. Not really advised. No one would want to read it if they know how it ends.
A superboy character is always very popular, but you don’t tell me much about the story. I need to know who the protagonist is and not know that it ends in his downfall. It could be the first super hero film where the goal is not achieved but the fact that usually superheroes generally win in the end, should tell you something.
Interesting. That’s a pretty powerful boy. Almost God-like. I’d like to know more about what the story actually is.
I completely agree with jamesmichael. Check out this HOW TO GUIDE if you haven?t done so!
https://loglines.org/howto/
good idea but it reads more like a synopsis than anything. A little too vague.
You want to start off with the inciting incident. For example has he always been able to travel through time or is this a new thing. If its not a new thing than what happens at the beginning to spark this eventual downfall. After this incident what must he do to stop whatever it is from happening?
For example “when a boy who can travel through space and time (meets/loses/finds ect) he must (stop/go back in time/change whatever) before it leads to his eventual downfall” just an example
When you have this in there then this might make his overall goal a little more obvious, which you should then add to the logline too.
hope this helps
cheers