Posted: 2012-10-09T18:59:55+10:00 In:

Three losers dream of making it big with their online retail business until one of them decides to rob the company's account. The other two find their way out from the angry buyers and hunt down the conman only to discover that he has lost his memory. They must now try and recover the cash or give in to the cops.

Two Men and a Baby / STUD Services

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    2 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      I agree with damien – you’ve provided a synopsis but not a great logline. What I’m seeing working a lot on this site is = “When (inciting incident happens), (protagonist) must (goal) before (antagonist) can (stakes).”

      Try to cut down on the excess, focus on the essential, and give this one another try.

      Why “Two Men and a Baby”? What does “STUD” stand for in that title?

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    2. Too many words for a logline. Keep it brief and focus on the main story; the protagonists and their main opponent, the hook of the story and the main goal. 25-30 words.

      Losers dreaming of making it big would not be cinematic, they need to be doing something to make it big and if they are losers, how do they already have a lot of cash? And why would they give in to the cops if they are the victims? You want to give a brief outline of the story, if you try to tell everything that will happen (ie the subplots), the logline has no clarity.

      Keep going!

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