Through interference with dimensional aliens, several lost Roman legions is transported to a brutal world of magics, monsters, and hellish creatures and must fight to reshape the world in the name of Caesar and Rome.
t3xx3rLogliner
Through interference with dimensional aliens, several lost Roman legions is transported to a brutal world of magics, monsters, and hellish creatures and must fight to reshape the world in the name of Caesar and Rome.
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I like the original concept of a Roman legion being zapped onto an alien world, however the logline is too jumbled to really convey the idea. One big thing missing from your logline is their goal, is it just survival, conquest, find a way home?
When Roman legion is zapped onto an alien world, their commander must fight through a strange world full of monsters and fantastical creatures to reach the portal back to earth.
During the course of his quest, the objective may change. From reaching the portal to help some Pacifist natives in their fight against hostile invaders.
Btw, I’m not saying the basic idea can’t work, I’m just saying,? a magic spell should bring the Roman legion to the magical land.
Now a roman legion fighting mythical monsters does sound interesting, sort of 300 meets lord of the rings. That is definitely?an intriguing hook that would grab the reader. (As long as there is an ultimate bad guy for them to fight against)
Or as mikepedley85 mentioned, a Roman legion that is transported to Hell and must fight their way out is also a good hook.
Agree with Richiev.
The Romans should either be fighting monsters in hell OR aliens from outer space. Not both. Seemingly, your aliens disappear after the inciting incident though…
How are Roman legions going to destroy magic, monsters, etc. There’s a limited supply of legionnaires so it’s not like numbers will help them. I see a massacre simply because they’re suddenly somewhere where their roman rules don’t apply. If their goal was to escape back to their dimension then it would make more sense.
I think there is too much you’re trying to do. Aliens, magic, monsters, ancient romans, inter-dimensional travel… I can’t see this all working together.
You need a protagonist too. Who is the person who is the emotional conduit for the audience. Who’s eyes do we see all this through? That’s really important.
Hope this helps.
Having both aliens and magic might be a little much.
Also, you haven’t really given us a bad guy, as a result when they are transported to the magical world and their goal is to conquer it for Rome, that makes it seem like your lead characters are the bad guys. Normally in a story, you should want the lead character to succeed not fail.