(undecided)
Through proving himself innocent of his father's death, the monk Alyosha realizes his guilt as nurtured by Father Matthias, the renowned priest and Alyosha's dark mentor.
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Okay: did he murder his father or not? Because this logline leaves me unsure about that: and I mean confused-unsure, not intrigued-and-want-to-know-more-unsure.
Is this a contemporary story? What country is it happening in? What genre is it? Could be anything from detective to personal drama to supernatural thriller…
Can you reshape the logline to give us a sense of what actually happens in the movie? What is Alyosha’s goal, what are the stakes (what happens if he fails in his goal), what is his fatal character flaw that prevents him from achieving it?
I think there’s a really interesting nugget of an idea here, but you need to display it to better advantage in a clearer, punchier, eye-catching logline.
*debbiemoon*: Thank you for your detailed critique. I found it very helpful. As you can probably tell, this was my first logline/script. In a logline, isn’t a little bit of ambiquity okay? In my script you never really do find out who’s the murderer. Some movies purposely keep things hanging to further the theme. Also, does all that info (time, place, character flaw) need to be in the logline? Because it seems like most movie loglines are very succinct, very open-ended. Again THANK YOU for your help. I’m excited about developing it further using your guidelines.