Tisi is a young girl from a religious family that spends her entire time taking care of her mother, in coma for 7 years. Things start to get creepy as Tisi learns that her mother is being harrassed by misterious opponents.
oozaruLogliner
Tisi is a young girl from a religious family that spends her entire time taking care of her mother, in coma for 7 years. Things start to get creepy as Tisi learns that her mother is being harrassed by misterious opponents.
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When she discovers her comatose mother is being harassed by mysterious beings, a devoted daughter must…. (Do this thing) in order to save her mother or else (This bad thing) will happen.
Richiev gave you a good starting point for your next revision, but best you study the information in the Training tab up on the top bar for logline conventions.
In answer to your question;
Your describing two separate inciting incidents – her discovering she’s pregnant and her discovering the mysterious beings. Which of these is the main one for the story as a whole?
I sounds as if her mother’s safty is her main concern, I therefore hold the need for her pregnancy in doubt as this inciting incidetn will require a separate goal and a separate sequence of actions. the story of her protecting her mother will remain unaffected if the preganancy is removed.
Lastly, “…mysterious…” is too vague a description for the antagonist. Best to describe them in a bit more detail – demons, gremlins or dead spirits. What ever you chose to use will describe the genre and will provide more information about the type of story/action in the film.