Penpusher
Posted: 2016-11-14T10:28:10+10:00 In:

To find peace in herself, a girl must learn the ways of this new world and discover how she arrived. Those closest to her are the main suspects, and they will create hurdles to overcome.

To find peace in herself, a girl must learn the ways of this new world and discover how she arrived. Those closest to her are the main suspects, and they will create hurdles to overcome.
Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      When you say a character “Must” do something, you should give us the ‘or else.’ What are the stakes?

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      What DPG wrote.

      Furthermore, in most good stories there will be “…hurdles to overcome…” generic descriptions such as this contribute nothing in a logline. It’s the particular details of what the hurdles are and how the character chooses to overcome them, that will make your story interesting. It’s in the specifics of your story that a reader will get hooked.

      As mentioned above, check out the ‘Training’ tab on the top bar for more information about logline conventions.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      A logline is a concise statement that defines a protagonist motivated by an inciting incident to achieve a?clearly defined?objective goal. ?

      What is the inciting incident of this story?

      As a consequence of the inciting incident, what becomes her objective goal? ?”To find peace in herself” is a subjective issue but for the purpose of a logline it is not an objective goal. ? Further, “must learn the ways of this new world and discover how she arrived” is too vague to qualify as a ?clearly ?defined objective girl. ?(And what exactly does “this new world” refer to anyway?)

      “Those closest to her are the main suspects” — main suspects in what? ?The cause of her lack of inner peace? ?Exactly what threat do they pose to her? ?What “hurdles” do they throw in her way?

      What is a defining characteristic of the protagonist that makes her an interesting character, one whose plot journey an audience would want to follow?

      The logline needs to include an inciting incident for a defined protagonist and state a clearly defined objective goal. ? Please check out “Training” at the top of the web page for guidelines on crafting an industry standard logline.

      fwiw

      • 0