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kokobinPenpusher
Posted: March 7, 20192019-03-07T08:00:08+10:00 2019-03-07T08:00:08+10:00In: Historical

To fulfil her destiny, a young queen, who hates war, must unite her southland clans and lead them into one last, decisive battle against the invading barbarians from the north.

To fulfil her destiny, a young queen, who hates war, must unite her southland clans and lead them into one last, decisive battle against the invading barbarians from the north.
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    1. kpetrakis01 Logliner
      2019-05-11T19:07:58+10:00Added an answer on May 11, 2019 at 7:07 pm

      So what time are we in? 1600’s ? Earlier? To give a sense of time and space.

       

      So would not the inciting inciting incident be the death of her father.

      After the death of her father, a young (genteel? naive? inexperienced? clever? ambitious? ) queen must unite the warring clans of her kingdom to survive against the invading barbarians from the north?

      I understand there are prequels and there is, I’m thinking, a kind of Game of Thrones epic drama? Maybe you can add in something to the title which adds interest to relationship

      After the death of her father, a young (genteel? naive? inexperienced? clever? ambitious? Warrior? ) queen and her sisters, must defeat? the Bada Girl monks to unite the warring clans of her kingdom against the invading barbarians from the north?

       

      That gets your key characters in but with purpose?

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    2. Richiev Singularity
      2019-03-07T09:42:06+10:00Added an answer on March 7, 2019 at 9:42 am

      I think you can drop the “To Fulfil her destiny” part of the logline since her motivation seems to be to save the kingdom.

      What sets the story in motion: When barbarians threaten her kingdom.
      Who is the lead character: I would probably say, a newly crowned queen
      What is her goal: Defend her kingdom by uniting the clans.
      What is the conflict: You say she hates war, but that is an inner conflict. The conflict should be something like convincing two rival clan leaders to set aside their differences in order to create a united front against the barbarians. (Or whatever it is that makes her task seem impossible at the beginning of the story)

      “When barbarians threaten her kingdom, a newly crowned queen must unite the waring southern clans before the spring thaw if she is to save her realm from ruthless invaders.”

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