To fulfill a family vendetta a lone warrior must transform a helpless and divided faction into a superior force in order to end an aged war.
FluffayfishPenpusher
To fulfill a family vendetta a lone warrior must transform a helpless and divided faction into a superior force in order to end an aged war.
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You have the structural elements in place here. A big problem is that my mind has no idea what time frame to imagine we are in.
Is this contemporary?
We in the dark ages?
This about vikings?
WW II?
Can you use something else in place of “transform?” Something a bit more risky for the “lone warrior?”
Lone Warrior is not too great of a play either. If he is truly lone, then why would he bother to help the faction? What’s in it for him.
(I posted this in the other logline attempt, then saw you had re-wrote your logline)
The most important part of the logline and story would be the games opening event.
This will also be your characters call to action.
What compelling event happens at the beginning of the game that calls the Character to his course of action to defend Avagon?
You say fulfill a family vendetta but how does that play out on screen. After his sister is murdered? After a rival tribe kidnaps his brother? After a rival tribe destroys his village…
For instance in Skyrim; the opening event is the return of the dragons,
??
?When Dragons return to ravish Skyrim, A prison?born on a certain day, under a certain sign, must travel to High Hrothgar to learn the ways of the voice to defeat the Dragon menace.?
??
So I would look at the opening of your game and ask what compelling event sets your characters path and then use that event to begin your logline
There is a lot of intro to your story. Have you thought of consolidating it?
The first action takes place 15 years in the past, then the second action takes place in the present.
If you were to consolidate you might be able to get to the game play faster.
His tribe is slaughtered, he is the only survivor, now as an inexperienced warrior (He will start low and level up) He is determined to unite the tribe of Aragon so they don’t suffer the same fate as his tribe:
Action begins.
Anyway I am glad to see you have this thought out, If you feel strongly about the long version of the opening just be prepared, many gamers want to get straight to the action.
One more thing, I noticed the bad guy is a warlord named?Shatterros. I would mention the warlord leader (You don’t necessarily have to name him) in your logline. It is always good to put a face on the opposition.
When his peaceful tribe is destroyed by an evil warlord
When his tribe is destroyed by an evil Warlord named Shatterros,
Hope that helped.