Procreated
To overthrow the manipulative authorities of year 2086, a man genetically designed to teach the values of the regime decides to fight his mental programming, team up with outlaws and free a people brainwashed by a corrupt government
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There’s depth here, a clear protagonist and antagonizing force, and the logline allows me to see the first and second act, but I think it needs work in the following areas:
– The way it’s expressed it’s not very unique. It ends up sounding like a dozen other dystopian/sci-fi movies.
– But it begs the question, what’s so special about this guy that when he teams up with/takes charge of a band of outlaws that they’re able to take down a powerful government?
– Maybe he discovers a deactivated/dormant chromosome that upon activation imbues his band of outlaws with special powers.
I agree with you that it reads a little generic.
It’s not so much that he gains special powers, but since he is created to teach and know everything about the way society is run, he’ll use the knowledge imprinted in his brain against those that put it there.
It may sound a little confusing, but I suppose I could somehow add something about that into the logline.
(I should perhaps mention that this story will be used for a series, not for a feature film)
Ah, then here’s a question: What causes him to decide to fight his mental programming?
Knowing that this is a series, the answer to that could become part of the backstory, or you could handle it in a 2-part series opener. I think either way would work, but I think it’s an element you need to have a solid grasp on.
Since it’s a series, you could also play with this idea: He fights and wins against his mental programming – but does he win for good? Might be interesting if, from time to time, he experiences a lapse – a reversion in his mental state – and we get to see how he, and those around him, deal with that.
Maybe it’s the word “outlaw”, but I keep thinking Firefly – which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But I imagine a series of episodes where people are being freed and authorities taken on, with equal measure success and failure.
Not sure how any of this helps you with a logline rewrite, but right now it reads one-off feature-film to me, and doesn’t express the greater potential it has as a series.
He decides to fight his mental programming because he gets a glimpse of the cruelty going on beyond the polished surface of the regime and thereby sees the actual effects of that which he teaches as “the right way of life”.
He does certainly not win for good over his mental programming, but fights with it throughout entire season 1 (at least).
Haha I’m going to choose to take the Firefly-reference as a complimang 😉 It does have certain similarities, especially in the “taking on the authorities”-part, but the world and the structure will be uite different.
Why does it take genetic engineering to become a teacher that can indoctrinate the masses? And if the bad guys can do that, why would they stop there? Why wouldn’t they go furhter and genetically engineer the entire population to be compliant? End of problem, right?
And obviously, the genetic engineering is a failure if it leaves him with sufficient free will and cognition to question and rebel against all the ideological crap they’ve pumped into his head.
Because of of my own too-considerable experience with cult brainwashing and mass delusion, I’m intrigued by the kernel of the concept. But, alas, I personally find the inciting incident for his “awakening”, that “he gets a glimpse of the cruelty going on beyond the polished surface of the regime”, to be rather facile and superficial. Buying into the premise of a sci-fi movie requires a suspension of disbelief. My disbelief is not yet suspended.
As I said, I’m intrigued by the kernel of the concept and I hope you will continue to follow it down the rabbit hole and explore the Wonderland of paradox, riddle and delusion.
fwiw.
There are a lot of things I would like to explain in the logline, but I have already shortened it a thousand times before even finding this version (which I still feel is a little wordy).
The idea for the society I’m building up is that all newborn babies are being designed and created by what society needs (teachers, doctors, etc.) so that no “unnecessary and uncontributing” people like artists and musicians exist and all people have the “obediance” quality heightened as well. There are, however, some people born “outside of the system” and all those children and their mothers are to be killed on sight to rid the possiblity of anyone breaking the peace. This guy is simply designed to be a teacher and has a huge portion of knowledge and leader qualities.
I guess the “cruelty going on beheind the curtains” is vague as well, but I don’t know how do iclude everything in the logline. His mother, who has been declared dead, turns out to be the leader of the rebels and shows him the specific effects of what HE does. That when he thinks he’s sending a particularily regime-resistant kid to a clinic to get help, he’s really sending him to slaughter. This makes him realize that his childhood friend, who he thought went away to get help, was killed as well. I truly believe that is enough to start questioning the regime and fight his mental programming.
Now maybe I’ve told too much, but your questions are really helpful and make me realize where I might find unwanted plotholes and uncertainties!
It’s your story but I suggest you burrow deeper into the kernel of your concept , the key factor on which the entire story turns: genetic engineering, ergo, genetics.
Would it not be the case that genetic engineering is complicated, particularly engineering designed to manage something even more complicated than genes: human consciousness? And no production process is perfect. What are the chances of a rare production “flaw” that results in humans who start thinking for themselves — hence, rebel.
Another possibility arises from the fact that genes are always evolving via mutation. What if your protagonist is the product of one of those mutations? A mutation that enables him upon reaching maturity to start thinking for himself?
(Either way, could not the flaw, a mutation also be how all the other rebels came to exist? Defective products who slipped through quality control?)
Seeing or hearing about the death of his boyhood friend is a great triggering event.. What if it triggers the “flaw” in his genetic code to start expressing itself? He starts questioning, having doubts, start thinking for himself?
Whatever, I sympathize with your task. A story in the sci-fi genre is a tough one to condense into a logline because it entails a world that only exists in your mind. Best wishes.
Thank you 🙂 I really like your suggestions, and I will most certainly do a ton of research on genetics and certain technologies as I go forward in developing my world. The whole idea for the concept came to me when I read an article in Science Illustrated about people being able to design babies to make sure they don’t get “unwanted attributes”. It really freaked me out! So I’ll start with that particular article and see what type of technology they use etc. and then just take it a whole lot further.
The legal, ethical and social consequences of genetic engineering are going to be an ongoing controversial issue. Sci-fi stories such as the one you have mind can serve as cautionary tales of the unintended consequences of good intentions. Good luck.
Hi CamillaBeskow,
I really love this idea — has potential in either feature or series format, imo. It reminds me of ‘Harrison Bergeron’, a short story by Kurt Vonnegut that was turned into a cable T.V. movie in 1995 starring Sean Astin… maybe worth a look/ read if you can get your hands on it…
Below is just my take on a potential logline — obviously changing the career of your protag — but I think it would heighten the drama/ stakes if he was more closely tied to the government. Given your points in the above posts I think the discovery of the ‘extermination’ of the ‘outcasts’ (or whatever you are calling them…) via his Mother would make a suitable inciting incident — regardless of him being genetically engineered, there’s nothing like the idea of human spirit overcoming science when it’s used for such despicable purposes…It’s also a little long (my take) — but there’s a bit to explain:
In 2086, an officious Senator discovers societies ghastly secret from his once thought dead Mother, and joins her group of freedom fighting outcasts to bring down the tyrannical government that has been genetically engineering humans to be nothing but conformist drones.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck on this as it is definitely something that I would want to see/ read.
Regards.
Thanks! 😀
I’ve never heard of Harrison Bergeron, but I’ll take a look around and see if I can find it!
I really like parts of your version of the logline, but not all of it 😉 I’ll see if I can come up with one with parts from both!
Thanks! 😀
I’ve never heard of Harrison Bergeron, but I’ll take a look around and see if I can find it!
I really like parts of your version of the logline, but not all of it 😉 I’ll see if I can come up with one with parts from both!