The Ingredient
PoromaaPenpusher
To provide for his disabled brother, a debt-coated dealer accepts a highly secretive job for a world famous chef, as purveyor of an illegal, secret ingredient.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
Okay, interesting premise. Then what happens?
“…disable brother, a debt-coated dealer” – too alliterative for my personal taste. Also, what is he a dealer of? Drugs? A car dealer? A card dealer? Need to be a bit more specific.
Okay, an interesting premise. But then what happens?
“…disabled brother, a debt-coated dealer accepts…” – Too alliterative. And “debt-coated” – do you mean debt ridden? And what kind of dealer is he – drug dealer? car dealer? card dealer? I think you have to be more specific.
For some reason, I got a whiff of “The Cook, His Wife and her Lover”. This isn’t a cannibal story, is it?
*The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover*
Thanks!
Wanted to reduce the words, and tried to translate the logline from my language.
Maybe this:
To provide for his disabled brother, a debt ridden drug dealer accepts a highly secretive job for a world famous chef, as purveyor of an illegal, secret ingredient
And while you kind of see my story the idea was that the dealer will struggle trough the film following all instructions to become the courier, including staging his own suicide (to become untraceable for the police)…. to finally realise that the package is not the box he delivers, but himself… So yeah. The chef uses humans as spice to his delicious world famous high class meal.
This is hidden though (or at least thats my intention). There is money involved and a female cop tracing him (not buying the suicide) that saves him the last minute. Killing the bad guys, leaving him with only the money.
I don’t want it too obvious, but if you write a logline that hides the real plot, then you won’t be able to see it…..
Have not seen “the cook, the thief….” but reading the plot, I don’t have much in common except the cannibalism…
Any thoughts are welcome.
I think what you have written needs to be boiled into the opening line and the following needs to state what he will gain back from doing it whilst giving something that is stopping him.
‘A debt-ridden drug dealer accepts work of escorting illegal ingredients within food across the Country. With a cop hot on his tail he must provide his supply to a notorious drug lord or leave his disabled brother to fend for himself.’
I know this isn’t your full story but don’t know if this gives you any thought. It just tells us what he is going to be doing rather than just a scene of the movie.
When his disabled brother becomes seriously ill, a cash-strapped drug dealer must outwit a hot shot cop to procure a rare ingredient for a famous chef to pay for the treatment.
When his disabled brother becomes seriously ill, a cash-strapped drug dealer must procure an illegal ingredient for a famous chef to pay for the treatment.
A couple of suggestions for shortened loglines based on your description.
Your additional comments were very helpful. I enjoyed reading more about your screenplay.
The cannibalism part is the hook, in my opinion, so it shouldn’t be ignored in the logline. With a bit of workdsmithing, here’s my 2 cents:
To care for his crippled brother, a debt-ridden crook is forced to smuggle a special ingredient for a world famous chef, unwittingly delivering a more grisly package than he bargained for.
It?s all in the execution, of course, but it begs the question why the world famous chef needs this particular drug smuggler?s body for his special stew.