SECOND SIGHT
Trapped inside a deadly house of mirrors, a copy-cat killer suffering double vision becomes the original killers next victim.
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I like the idea of this logline but I would lose or change the ‘suffering double vision’ part.
It feels like the logline is your hook. It feels like a good first scene: you just dropped your hero into a nasty situation… and I’m with him… I’m in that house of mirrors with a killer stalking me… and… now what are we going to do about it?
This hero seems to be waiting around for things to happen to him: he’s trapped, he suffers, he becomes a victim. If a hero is passive, then it isn’t quite his story yet.
As it stands the original killer is the hero. He’s probably the guy who trapped the copy-cat, and he’s definitely is the guy trying to kill the copycat.
In reference to that aside (“suffering double vision”). For me that adjective phrase just doesn’t work. It feels retrofitted into the sentence, and only makes sense after I glanced over at the title.
I am worried that the whole killer stalking in a house of mirrors has been done to death and is past parody? Even the Simpson’s had joked about it in an episode (but Homer gets shot immediately, in a play on that whole cliche).
Heysa timmyelliot 😀
I always look forward to reading your comments !!
“… suffering double vision.” Is clunky and what I was having trouble with.
Thanks for clearing up the passive hero situation too.
Its an homage to the house of mirrors stalking, but with a new rewrite It can re-locate if need be.
Your advice about the logline being the first act was something to define better.
Happy writing.
Tor.
I have seen the house of mirrors in TV shows and movies. The scene usually lasts about five minutes.
They think they see the killer, shoot, glass breaks; it was just a mirror image. Which image is the killer? which image is a reflection?
Having an entire two hour movie take place in what is usually a five minute scene might get repetitive.
I would end the movie in the house of mirrors if you love the idea but not set the entire movie in that location.
“When a copy-cat killer’s latest victim creates headlines, he draws the unwanted attention of the original serial killer who doesn’t want to share the spotlight.”
-Killer be killed-
Hope that helped. Good luck with this!
Just re-read what I wrote. I should have used “from” instead “of”
“When a copy-cat killer’s latest victim creates headlines, he draws unwanted attention from the original serial killer who doesn’t want to share the spotlight.”
You could also add something like
“and to survive, he must murder his demented Idol”
To me it’s and Intriguing premise that the copy cat killer becomes the real killer’s next intended victim. The rest is superfluous for the purposes of a logline.