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laughingfireLogliner
Posted: October 10, 20172017-10-10T13:30:30+10:00 2017-10-10T13:30:30+10:00In: Comedy

After her fathers death a trash-talking Brooklynite takes her family?s obsolete private detective agency into the modern age with the power of a smartphone. (Episodic Series)

After her fathers death a trash-talking Brooklynite takes her family?s obsolete private detective agency into the modern age with the power of a smartphone. (Episodic Series)
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    3 Reviews

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    1. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-10-10T14:26:00+10:00Added an answer on October 10, 2017 at 2:26 pm

      Laughingfire,

      You need to familiarize yourself with the rules of this page and the story structure of the logline found here:

      https://loglines.org/howto/

      Good luck.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2017-10-10T21:58:45+10:00Added an answer on October 10, 2017 at 9:58 pm

      How does “taking the PI business in a fresh direction” play out in terms of a specific objective goal?? What is the inciting incident in the pilot episode that triggers her to pursue that goal?

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    3. dpg Singularity
      2017-10-11T08:33:03+10:00Added an answer on October 11, 2017 at 8:33 am

      >>>using social media to solve her cases

      This is similar to? the CBS drama “Crowdsourcing”.? Which is a American knockoff of an Israeli series. So there’s that problem in terms of coming with a differentiating gimmick for a new series.

      The logline/pitch for “Crowdsourcing” was:? “Inspired by the notion that a million minds are better than one, a tech innovator creates a cutting edge crowdsourcing hub to solve his own daughter?s murder, as well as revolutionizing crime solving.?

      Notice that there is a specific inciting incident for launching the series in the pilot episode.? And it’s personal😕 the protagonist wants to solve the murder of his own daughter. I suggest one takeaway is that your protagonist needs a strong inciting incident and motivation, something more dramatic? than the fact that she happens to work in the family business.

      Oh, and in loglines character descriptions — yes; character names — no.?

      fwiw

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