Penpusher
Posted: 2017-01-28T03:05:48+10:00 In:

Two dim-witted best friends battle the internet and their conservative town to keep their porn shop open.

Two dim-witted best friends battle the internet and their conservative town to keep their porn shop open.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Dim witted indeed. I don’t see how they can battle the internet, access to which is ubiquitous. ?In order to make this premise more viable, it seems to me it needs to describe a specific battle plan, not just suggest general battle. ?What is their specific battle plan to compete with the internet?

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    2. Singularity

      I think this needs rewording so as to position the town folks as the cause of their problems:

      After conservative town folks force them to close their erotic shop, two best friends attempt to compete with internet suppliers.

      However, the story is open-ended. In other words, what is the end game for them? What is their specific goal that they hope to achieve by going online?

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    3. Singularity

      The battle with the conservative local morality is credible. ?But I still can’t buy the internet angle, even as a comedy.

      Unless you set the battle in the late -90’s at the ?start of the age of the internet. ?The guys battle the local blue ?noses, are driven to the edge of financial ruin . But in the 3rd Act they finally triumph, defeat all attempts to shut down the porn shop.

      Only to have to close the shop because of the internet siphons off all the customers. ?That, it seems to me, is the logical and inevitable button beat to the story.

      fwiw

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    4. Singularity

      This could be good but what are the stakes? What will they lose if their shop is closed?

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    5. Samurai

      Hi CLSmith,

      Your idea has a lot of potential. The logline itself has room for improvement though.

      An inciting incident appears to be missing. You already have two ideal obstacles in the way of your MCs. What?exactly?do those forces do?that makes the MCs battle for their porn shop?

      And maybe consider making the “internet” and conservative town into one antagonistic force or entity. Like a technophobe Mayor who’s determined to quell your MCs’ internet erotica endeavors.

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