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solosammerLogliner
Posted: April 13, 20172017-04-13T12:28:47+10:00 2017-04-13T12:28:47+10:00In: Drama

Two siblings leave a miserable home in the wake of the country’s civil war, they embark on an austere quest to find a new life in a foreign country.

Two siblings leave a miserable home in the wake of the country’s civil war, they embark on an austere quest to find a new life in a foreign country.
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    2 Reviews

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    1. Best Answer
      Richiev Singularity
      2017-04-13T17:10:46+10:00Added an answer on April 13, 2017 at 5:10 pm

      Two siblings: This doesn’t tell us much, two brothers, two sisters, a brother and a sister, what are their personalities.
      Leave a miserable home: Okay, again is it the father who is mean? is it the mother who is making life difficult? Are they in an orphanage?
      in the wake of the country’s civil war: Which country, the United States? France and the french revolution? Russia? Many countries have had civil wars, you should be more specific.
      they embark on an austere quest: austere? I take that to mean somber. That doesn’t sound very appealing. A miserable home and a somber quest.
      to find a new life in a foreign country: Which country? It would take just as many words (or less) to say England, France, Brazil than to say vaguely “A foreign country” Be specific.

      Your characters should have a specific goal. A new life is not very specific.

      Here would be an example of two siblings leaving their miserable home to get a new life, while using specifics: (Yours would be different, of course)
      ——————————————
      “When their over bearing father forbids them to become rodeo clowns, two Muslim brothers fascinated?with cowboys escape war torn Syria and arrive in Dallas in the hopes of achieving their dreams of rodeo stardom.”
      ——————————————-
      We now know who they are, what they want, where they are from, who was oppressing them and where they have arrived, and can visualize the problems they may encounter.

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    2. Best Answer
      Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-04-18T12:46:17+10:00Added an answer on April 18, 2017 at 12:46 pm

      Agreed with Richiev, so little to add except a rule of thumb: If the detail you describe can be interpreted in many different ways it shouldn’t be used in a logline. For example, “…an austere quest…” can mean that they meet unfriendly characters, cold and grey weather or difficult terrain – it’s the details of their quest that will make it interesting and their story unique.

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