Leathered Up
Nicholas Andrew HallsSamurai
Unable to afford the support payments to maintain joint custody of his son, a puritan leather worker is forced to cater to the underground S&M market in his country town.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Is there something that happens that causes him to lose money or business? Or is the divorce the incident? While ‘I need to provide for my family’ is primal and great for this it feels like you need something specific that happens to put the MC in the situation. Loses his biggest client? Competitor opens up? Or maybe he had an apprentice that leave and steals his clients?
And what is the conflict? Is it just an internal conflict with his beliefs? Or is there a focal point you could use like a clergy leader in town or something that could embody the conflict?
Why can’t he afford the payments now? What happened? Is the divorce recent? Or did something happen to reduce his business? Lose his biggest client? Competitor come to town? The ‘I need to provide for my family’ is primal and a great motivator for the story but I feel like it needs something specific that sets it all in motion.
And what is the conflict? Is it all internal due to his beliefs? Is there some focal point like a clergy leader in the town that can embody the conflict?
I like this story and how it’s been evolving.
I just noticed the protagonist is passive (“is forced”). You might consider using a more active verb to show how the protagonist is actively taking control of his story. I don’t know, maybe use your word “caters” as the main verb.
Going with what bonthewriter said, an inciting incident might help. For instance, instead of “support payments,” just say, “support payment” (by using a singular “payment,” the idea is that it’s not the payments in general, but it is a particular, say, he can’t meet *January* payment because his normal clients flaked).